The Courage to Become…

Be a good girl. Smile. Don’t cry when you skin your knee. Share your toys. Go to school. Get good grades. Make plenty of friends. Stand up straight, the ugliest thing in the world is a tall girl who slouches. Be young, thin, and the socially accepted version of pretty – oh, and do that FOREVER. Be smart, but not intimidatingly so. Be confident, but remember too much pride is a character flaw. Graduate with honors. Get a good job. Turn that into a great career. Find a partner. Get married. Have 2.5 adorable, well-behaved children. Juggle a Pinterest-worthy sparkling clean household and a fabulous career. Are you still young, thin, and pretty? Move up the career ladder. Get ever-increasingly larger cars, homes, and vacations, but still have plenty of money in the bank. Are you still smiling?…

courage

Enough!

I was riding the train this morning, listening to my audio book and watching the Schuylkill River pass by, when my eyes focused on a billboard.

Courage to Become.

The words hit me in the gut. From birth, society lays out (sometimes silently, sometimes on a megaphone) a myriad of rules we’re supposed to follow. These rules vary from place to place, culture to culture, family to family, but none of us are free from them. People are ostracized and even killed for trying to be their authentic selves and live outside these bounds.

And for so many years, and like so many others, I’ve tried to adhere to these guidelines. Stand up straight. Be successful. Be nice. Committed. Take care of people and projects in my family and at work…but that can often lead to self-care coming last, and what we truly want for ourselves being delayed, or even going by the wayside. But how can you help others to drink when your cup is empty? You can’t, not forever.

So here I am, sitting on an early morning commuter train to Philadelphia, staring back at a sign that makes me think about the courage it took to apply for something I truly wanted. To stand up, and step out of work for 6 months, in order to focus on something completely different. An opportunity to have my own time of deep reflection and change, of commitment to my community. A time of learning, growth, and healing.

Here I am. Becoming.

This is a time of nerves, and excitement, and uncomfortableness, and growth, and MESS. The beautiful, awful, gorgeous, utterly worth-it mess of life. The untidiness that makes you snort laugh while you realize you’re on the right track. I have started to strip away the ‘rules’; rid myself of the full body girdle which kept me upright and firmly rooted in a version of my life I was supposed to want. I have changed trains, at least temporarily, in order to arrive at a version of my life that is truly mine. And don’t get me wrong, I love where I have come from, but I am IN love with this experience and what it is teaching me about service, life, and who I am.

Life is short, and if there’s a brass ring you’re eyeing, GO FOR IT. At the end, humans so often regret what they didn’t do, rather than what they did. There were 100 good reasons I should never have applied for PULSE, or been ‘selfish’ enough to actually go, but here I am.

I will return to GSK and my team in 4 months and 1 week, but I will not be the same person. I will stand up straighter because I have reminded myself of my own strength. I will smile genuinely because of the renewed energy and commitment within me. This PULSE experience is so many things, but one of them is the gift of owning your own courage to become…

25 comments

  1. Truth well spoken. Thank you, Liz, for such a beautiful expression of what so many of us have felt and experienced as we awaken to an expanded worldview and sense of self. Stepping outside the norm and deeply embedded consensus ways thinking and being does require courage. And inner strength. It is not easy nor comfortable, but as you so eloquently stated, it has it’s own rewards that move us far beyond what we were taught to believe life is all about. Kudos! to you, and to your company for opening this opportunity for you. I look forward to hearing more about your experience, insights, and new life vision in the days, weeks, and months to come. Thank you for sharing.

  2. A wonderful post Liz … I struggle to follow my own heart and head, always feel I need to live up to (but rarely do) the never ending list of expectations – be they self-inflicted or externally put-upon. PULSE is an eye opening journey and a place you definitely can’t hide from yourself. Continue the amazing journey that is you!

    1. Thank you Kathryn, you too! I’ve so enjoyed following your experience through your blog posts 🙂

  3. Great inspirational post…..look forward to following your journey. PULSE is an amazing, eye opening, transformational program. I am thank for everyday for the experience and how it has changed me. Good Luck!

    1. Thanks Bob. Where and when did you go? I am so enjoying this journey, and am so happy to be part of this amazing program.

  4. Lovely and inspirational words, Liz. I really have felt your emotion through them. I am also living similar time to review rules and ways to live my life, observing carely my personal journey here in Cambodia. I hope you become each day more yourself. You will shine more and more! Big hug, dear!

  5. Love this post, Liz! So excited that you made the leap and decided to join us at PEF for these six months. PULSE is a two-way gift. As we also know that after your tenure, and thanks to your contributions, we at PEF will never be the same.

    1. Thank you Farah! I am so enjoying getting to know everyone on the PEF team, and working to help our educators and students in Philadelphia!

  6. WOW! Amazing blog! I admire how you took that step to apply for PULSE and I am so happy to hear that you are enjoying it! I hope you enjoy this ‘stretch’ period! Love the emphasis on being your authentic self- to be youier! I love that, and it is always refreshing and energizing to meet someone that is authentic in a world that sometimes encourages covering up who you really are.

  7. Thank you Taylor! I truly am enjoying the process! Have you gone on an assignment? Would love to chat 🙂

  8. Stand a little taller, and do what makes you feel – and become – great. I think you’re doing just that =) Loved the post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s