Each day has its challenges and rewards. It is very easy to get caught up in all that surrounds us. I know lately there have been times when I look around and feel tightness in my chest with emotions that do not always have words. But they are real and every part of me feels.
This past weekend I had an opportunity to get away with my family and go skiing in the mountains. My family has never been skiing nor snowboarding. We all made our way to snowboarding the first day. It is amazing the excitement and pure pain that can come from doing something far outside of your comfort zone. In some ways it almost felt like learning how to walk for the first time or the struggle of learning to ride your bike that you haven’t felt in a long time. This has been part of my emotional experience coming back from my PULSE assignment, to help explain the emotions that I have no words for at this time. I find it interesting how life continues to show you ways through your pain if you are willing to look. While we were snowboarding I was learning how to manage my vulnerability of having my feet locked in but needing to find a way to balance. Sometimes going down the slope had success while other times I felt completely defeated and would just lay there deciding if I would get up again. Somehow I would manage to get myself back up to finish going down the hill. This is part of what I experience on a regular basis, the need to rally myself and find my inner desire to move forward; knowing the changes in my life are all for a reason.
On day 2 my daughter wanted to try skiing instead of snowboarding because it just beat her up way too much and her ego had no desire for another day. So, I decided to take lessons with her to see the difference from snowboarding. I loved watching her get excited and realized just how much she prefers to be in control. At one point in our lesson, after our instructor told her she was doing great and utilized her as an example of how to do a particular move, she looked at me and said, “Mom, someone will know your name for 2 reasons; either it is an easy name or you are good at something. I am good at skiing!” Confidence is a funny thing…. If you are only confident because of a result it is easy to lose but if you are confident because of your learning agility then you can hold onto it even at the worst of times. She became so confident on the bunny slope that she felt she knew everything and was ready for the mountain. My sister and her husband took us up on the mountain and I can tell you…we were both deer in headlights. Not only are you needing to put your new skills to the test and into different situations but you are also dealing with other people and ice! I learned a few things going down the mountain- how brave my daughter is and how willing she is to take risks, I saw my sister demonstrate such beautiful skills in skiing and felt so loved and nurtured as she cheered me on and helped me as I stumbled down, in chaos you still need to face your fear and keep trying and in the end I discovered even though the process is sloppy doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. Needless to say my daughter did not want to go back down the mountain but decided to head back to the bunny hill. As we made our way back on the lift she told me she realized she is ready for more of a challenge than the bunny hill but not ready for the mountain. She needs something in between and that she has more to learn than she thought. I am listening to her and proud of her self reflection. She is utilizing her experiences to decide where she sits instead of what others are telling her. I find each day I am trying to journal to self reflect on my experiences instead of what I am telling myself or hearing from others. It was great spending time with my family; laughing, playing, eating and just being together.
I am an early riser and was able to get some reading in this weekend. I read the book, Manuscript Found in Accra by Paulo Coelho. A couple of thoughts came from this book that really spoke to me and I have shared them below:
“Stay close to those who are not afraid to be vulnerable, because they have confidence in themselves and know that, at some point in our lives, we all stumble; they do not interpret this as a sign of weakness, but of humanity.”
“If we resist the temptation to allow other people to define who we are, then we will gradually be able to let the sun inside our own soul shine forth.”
“In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat; there is only movement. The winter struggles to reign supreme, but in the end is obliged to accept spring’s victory, which brings with it flowers and happiness. The summer would like to make its warm days last forever, because it believes that warmth is good for the Earth. But, in the end, it has to accept the arrival of autumn, which will allow the Earth to rest. The gazelle eats the grass and is devoured by the lion. It isn’t a matter of who is strongest, but God’s way of showing us the cycle of death and resurrection. And within that cycle there are neither winners nor losers; there are only stages that must be gone through. When the human heart understands this, it is free and able to accept difficult times without being deceived by moments of glory.”
I am trying to understand and work through what I am experiencing in my day to day….realizing most of my answers are right there in front of me.
Sending courage, hope and healing to everyone dealing with transition and change in their lives…. This too shall pass. 🙂