So many feelings…excitement, nausea, amazement, wonder, hope, scared, curiosity, fear, lonely, awe, love, anticipation, hunger, loss, gratitude, bewilderment, peace…
All at once. Is it really possible?
I can’t believe it is finally here. I applied for the PULSE program in January. I have been working from task to task since then: the phone interview, destination agreements, visa, flights, orientation, mentor meetings, organizing, packing and saying goodbye.
But I never really took the time to wonder what is was going to be like getting on the plane, leaving Hawaii my job, my house, my friends and family, and my animals for five months. All of this in the care of others. Everything.
Now on a plane with 20 hours ahead of me I have plenty of time to wonder and feel. All these feelings I had no time for while completing my tasks have come flooding to me, each bombarding me like a little kid demanding my sole attention.
One of my goals is to be present during this experience. I don’t know if going from task to task just “doing” is considered being present. It seems you need to feel to be present.
Feelings, good or bad, valid or out of the blue, seem to help me be connected with the “now”. Maybe that is why they can change so fast because the “now” is always changing.
What I do know is that I have lots of them right now. Let the “now” begin.
Next stop Ghana.